I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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