Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize