If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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