I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
im on a boat
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