Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
