I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
