He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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