He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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