I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
smell my finger.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
