Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
