Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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