They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
