So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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