remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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