Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
