I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
