I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
