i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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