Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
