oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
where are you?
Hypothermia
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
