I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
