If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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