i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
