We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
