He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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