I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
