I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
