you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
