I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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