Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
