Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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