And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
