I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
