You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
