Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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