Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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