moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
