so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
