I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
