I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
