also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
