I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize