Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
