i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
