just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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