ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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