Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
