He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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