Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
