Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
