gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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