new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
