I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
