haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
