so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
