I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
