She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
