fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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