Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
