Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
