woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
