My boss' voice literally gives me gas
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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