wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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