I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
