dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Olympian is in my bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
