Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
