I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
