Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
