Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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