I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
