Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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