i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
